Rollin`

R0lliN.

poppa was a rolling stone, keep rollin mothafcka cause with me you aint got a home. roll up in my motha, then roll out as if you never existed. she had a child by you, and you never wanted it.

I wish “poppa” would roll off a cliff, right after he inseminated momma with his half of me cause im the greatest fucking gift.

so, what have I learned from “poppa”? many a thing that will save me anguish in the future, I learned that FATHERS don’t even stay for long. I learned that you can’t trust easily, because lord knows you’re setting yourself up for downfall. boys will always be boys and do “boy” things.

Momma trusted “poppa” and where is she now? living, breathing and healthy thank god, but poppa aint around, cause she don’t want him. how he left US and thinks he can come back when he feels the need.
K I S S T E E T H nigga betta buy my momma a caddilac and kiss her fucking feet. for all she’s been through, the road she’s had to travel by H E R S E L F. while he was baggin bitches when he had a bit of wealth.

this is an ode to my mother, the woman who has single handedly raised this jamaican queen. spoiled me, beat me, molded me to become all that I fucking can be. taught me to have passion, to be hard working and always dedicated.

you are my P O P P A and my M O T H A! and the things she’s taught me are insurmountable by just being in her presence. she teaches not just by words but by actions.
momma you truly are a K I N G, because you’re stronger and better than “poppa” ever will be!

sign off, EMPRESS.

 

Realizing my self worth.

Greetings to all that come to my page && read my blogs. I appreciate you taking the time to do so. A lot of my blogs may be personal but at the core of each of them is a relatable topic, that I try to give insight on. I’m only 19, but I feel as though I’m mature enough to write and give people good advice, I hope you enjoy and continue reading.

 

I am much more that what meets the eye. I am much more than my physical; 5′6, 170, brown eye, light skin, freckle faced, long hair, Jamaican queen.

I’ve asked myself the question of why certain things happen to me and I’m beginning to answer some of those questions. One of the main ones being “Why do I get treated the way I do by guys?” I’ve come to the conclusion that my actions are what have led them to treat me this way. A lack of respect for myself, not knowing my self worth and not demanding a higher level of treatment from guys.

Possibly a self esteem issue, thinking that I have to do what I have to, to keep a guy, but I’ve come to notice that guys need to do whatever they need to do to have me! I’m bringing the old days back, when a dude would have to work to get a girl.  Now I’m not playing games, the way I see it is “If a man wants a woman nothing can keep him away”. So fellas, come with your A game cause I now know who I am.

I am a self respecting lady, I will not tolerate disrespect of any form. When a dude steps to me, he’ll be intimidated, cause listen I’m not like the rest as of this day I’m confident in whatever I bring to the table. I can hold conversations about many different topics and the fellas need to be able to keep up with me. The next dude that even has the nerve to ask me about sex is FINITO`D.

 

This is to all my ladies out there:

DEMAND RESPECT; from the door if a dude disses you and gets away with it, he’ll think he can do it again

KNOW YOUR WORTH; you are imperial and majestic let that show in your actions

CLASS; be a lady at all times, if you’d like to be treated as such

PATIENCE; this is a virtue use it to your advantage

LOVE YOURSELF; if you don’t no one else will

I’ve also learned that I need to put family and friends first. At the end of the day these are the people that know you the best, they will never lead you astray. These are the people who will be there that will always be willing to lend a hand or a shoulder.

ERIC B && RAKIMMMMM! ! !

Peace && Love.

 

You don’t want me too?

Yeh, so basically most of my blogs are going to be about a topic that is very near and dear to my heart; boys. They nothing but trouble, but I can’t leave ‘em alone. You lose one, you get one; to fill his spot. Too bad they don’t do that, they got one, and another one on the side, then they got the side piece, the boo, a hoe, and they want wifey too. Damn.

I must be giving off the “I just want to fuck vibe”, because that’s all I seem to be getting is guys that don’t want me, but want my temple. I’m just as good.

I’d rather a guy give me the game the way it is, and not try and fool me into having sex with him.  I respect a person who will tell me “listen sweetheart I don’t want a girlfriend, I just want a sex buddy whenever I’m lonely”. Allow me to make my own decisions as to whether or not I want to be your sex buddy. Do not lie to me and tell me “oh girl, i can see me and you together”, which would lead me to ask “why aren’t we together?!”

“People need to stop being polite and start getting real”, sound familiar doesn’t it? Well it’s the truth, stop playing those high school games, I’m grown enough to take what you have to say and deal with it.

 

Top things guys lie about:

• Of course I like you!
• Girl, you the only one
• It ain’t all about sex…
• Baby, she wants me I don’t want her
• I didn’t hear my phone ring
• If we have sex I won’t lose respect for you
• If you love me you would
• She’s just a friend

can’t forget this one;

       I WAS KiCKiNG IT WITH THE FELLAS! lmfaoO

We must got stupid written across our face ladies, cause there are pathetic attempts at coverups.

If dudes would be straight up, there wouldn’t be any need for a COVERUP, this ain’t a covergirl commercial.

I’m a self respecting lady, and the last thing I need is for my man to be shady.

I had a guy stop talking to me because I wouldn’t have sex with him, thank god it happened before I fell for another toad, it’s all in the game.

Closing thoughts; I value friendship with me and my partner whoever he may be, and as friends I would hope that we would be able to trust, love, and be able to speak with eachother about whatever we are feeling. I despise liars, especially ones that try to in my Vicky C’s, trynna find out what’s in these jeans. Give me the game, let me choose if I wanna just fuck you for the heck of it. Damn it’s a yes or no, and WHEN I TELL YOU NO, move on to the next girl, just as you would have done after you hit.

I AM THE DREAM; EVERYTHING YOU WANT BUT SCARED YOU CAN’T HAVE.

 

Imma give the business to yuh.

We all like a chase right? We all know ” anything worth having is worth working hard for”, but when does this turn into a systematic, repetitive blunder? When do we get tired of the game and start being real with each other about our true feelings and emotions? 

 

The games will never end. Ladies, if you want a guy, do not be too easily accessible.  Make him call you a few times before you pick up.  Make him miss you from time to time.  Disappear for a few days, because if it’s one thing that’s true “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. 

 

From my own experience I’ve learned that just like how a girl wants a guy even more when she can’t get him the most, guys feel this way too about women.  We KNOW males always want to feed their ego, thinking that any girl they want they have to get, so why not make him work for you? No matter how hard it is to ignore his phone calls, his text messages, or even his IMs, just do it. Trust me, if he wants you he’s gonna keep trying!

The DO’s && DONT’s

Be yourself just with a few tweaks;

1. Never, make out on the first date. Kissing is fine, but just give him a taste of what is in store if he acts right.
2. Don’t be shy or timid, guys love confident women. Even if you don’t think you got it going on, girl fake it ’til you make it! one thing I know he’s buying it.
3. Never call him after you guys hang out, wait for him to call you.
4. Have him spend some type of money on you, even if it’s paying for you to get on the bus. If he pays that means he’s not scared to spend on you and he ain’t cheap!
5. Do not pick up the first time he calls you. Make sure you end the first 2 conversations.
6. Remember be simple in the way you dress, no excessive makeup your confidence will make you shine.
7. GET TO KNOW HIS FRIENDS! if you don’t have a good relationship with them, there is no you && him.
8. Do not compliment him, if he’s cocky, what’s the use of you telling him he looks good, shit he already knows it! However, always take a compliment gracefully.
9. Do not be scared to tell him no, shut his ass down sometimes but before you do give him just a little taste. He’s gonna want more.
10. If your game is tight, you can have sex with him early however the longer you wait the more stronger your relationship will be.
11. Do not point out your flaws, the more you talk about it, the more he will notice them. HUGE turnoff.
12. Test his limits, flirt with a few guys in front of him. Now don’t go off into hoochieland, just do it subtly this will make him realize that yes you have options and he better step his game up to impress you.
13. Generalize the conversation instead of saying “I this…” make it a general statement like “People should” this makes you seem less self-centered and gives him an opportunity to speak on the subject if he’d like.
14. Ladies, a man does not like jealousy. Maybe a bit, but do not go overboard with it, if he checks out a girl’s ass && you catch it make him know you saw it, but do not go “no more wire hangers” on his ass!
15. If he won’t lick the kitty cat, then you can’t rub his head with your tongue. It’s a two way street.
16. Webbie said it, Ne-Yo sang it “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T” don’t always hang with him, and be able to take care of yourself, no one likes a free loader.
17. You gotta have a sense of humor, laugh show him a good time.
18. NO matter how much of a “hood star” he claims to be, they love romance
19. You have to have attitude, he cannot run all over you, because then he will run in you and out of you just as fast as you met him.
20. If you’ve been with over 5 men, to your new prospect you’ve ONLY been with 5. No one wants the chick that’s been with his boys, his boys’ boys, and his boys’ boys’ boys and so on! 

Miscellaneous

Keep your feet looking good, you don’t know who got a foot fetish! Last thing you want is a banging body, then he gets to your feet it look like you was running through the cotton fields of Georgia.

Try to have soft smooth skin, if you need you a bottle of Jergens, some baby oil, or cocoa butter please invest in this! The simple things do count.

Make sure you shave, what you do down in your pleasure area is your business, but make sure your legs and underarms are hair free. No one wants to see the bush under your arm pits when you raise your hand, especially not him!

Do not step out the house looking like Punkie Bruster with all the colors of the rainbow on and no sense of style. Make sure your outfit is flattering to your body and that you feel comfortable in what you are wearing!

 

Peace && love, happy dating and remember it’s only been 5 : )

 

The Baby Boom And The Rise Of Disease.

Why are so many teenagers getting pregnant and keeping their babies, with no job, no way of providing, no man, and no damn guidance?

No glove, no love. Please ladies love yourselves because if you don’t love yourself you can’t give love. One may argue that reasons for keeping a child would be: trying to keep their man, don’t believe in abortion, lack of love, the new “trend” — “you have one, i want one too”, accident “opps, the condom broke” OR “he pulled out before he came”, “If I got his baby, he gon’ be tied to me for 18 years! CHILD SUPPORT“, or the plain and simple “I just want a baby, cause they’re so cute”, and some of us just don’t know any better

“ People seldom improve when they have no other model but themselves to copy after. “(1)

It’s hard to raise a child, huggies cost too much! Food, care, time to show love and devotion for your child. I’m not knocking having a baby in your teenage years, but realize what you’re getting yourself into. 

 

Unprotected sex is NOT cool.  You don’t know what “j0NH D0e” might have no matter how “clean” he looks, you don’t know if he fucked a “dirty” bitch last week raw.  Her shit is gon’ come right back to you.  Be careful, be aware of the fact that diseases are spreading rapidly.

US

• Roughly one million people living with HIV/AIDS in the United States.
• Since the start of the AIDS epidemic, 1.5 million Americans have been infected with HIV and more than 524,000 have died of AIDS.
• At least 40,000 people are infected each year.
• African Americans account for 48% of new HIV infections.
• AIDS is the leading cause of death for African American women aged 25 to 34 and HIV rates among Hispanic women are increasing.
• The number of women living with HIV has tripled in the last two decades.
• At least half of all new infections are among people under the age of 25.
• Washington, DC has the highest HIV/AIDS prevalence rates in the United States – one in 20 people are living with HIV or AIDS.

 

(1) Goldsmith

 

Friend or Foe?

“Christina I swear to god if I had a gun I would fucking kill you right now.”
       [bang bang motherfucka to you I'm dead]
Words spoken from the tongue of my BEST FRIEND. Words that when said were meant to tear me apart. “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”(1) Though these words never did hurt me, they’ve left questions in my head . Questions about anger, deceit, trust, and most importantly whether or not its worth it.
“Christina you’re a fucking bitch!”
       [yeh, I know. Enlighten me as to what I don't]
See, I’m not a “bitch” I’m more sarcastic. People don’t like to be met with sarcasm because it doesn’t show that you care about them.

Caring the exact reason I chose to write this blog.
CARING. [to feel concern about]

Anyone who has been of some form of influence to me in anyway needs to realize that I care. I care more than you know, but I will not show it. I will not show it becuase I’m scared one may take my caring for my weakness. Perhaps me trying to hide the fact makes it an even bigger weakness.

I can come clean to my blog, and to all the anonymous readers out there. I do fucking care, more than you’ll ever know. I use sarcasm as the barrier to make me seem as though I don’t care. I don’t want to care, but I can’t stop doing so.

“Christina I fucking hate you!”
       [If only you knew, I hate me too]

I hate that I want to cut my emotions out my soul, leave the space empty and not caring to fill it with a thing.

I’m a caring person who cares so much it scares me.

 

(1) Leo F. Buscaglia quotes

 

Happy Birthday.

So, I decided to start writing again, yeh on my birthday. So before I start, Happy Birthday to ME!

 

It hit me, I hit it, but the blow I got was far more painful than I could ever give. I felt something wet running down the side of my mouth and onto my chin. I proceeded to wipe my mouth and when I did I was startled as to what I saw. Blood, “what the fuck I’m bleeding?” confused as to how I had gotten myself in this situation I tried to pull myself off the floor. Not wanting to look as weak as I felt on the inside. He fucking hit me, the wall was my savior and protector though it’s the very reason my head is pounding at this moment. A busted lip, a throbbing head, “bitch you gets no love.” I thought we were in love and that’s how it started, the evolution of me.  When I realized there was never an us, and only a him.

This him that i’m talking about isn’t a specific person. It’s the teachers that told me “oh you talk too much, you’ll never make it in life”. It’s the people that have told me “you’re fat and ugly”. It’s all the people who have told me that i’m “overly dramatic” or a “drama queen”. To all the people that have called me “a quitter”, this him is everyone that has never had faith in me or has lost faith in me. To all the persons that have misled me, or tried to make a fool of me. Just like “him” you don’t care. Just like “him” you don’t matter.

The wall that has protected me is the one I have built to shield myself from hearing these thoughts and opinions from the non-believers. Never did I anticipate hitting this wall and getting hurt by it.

See the point I’m trying to make is, walls don’t help. Why should I hide the beautiful me I am? You can’t run from your problems, attempt to push them to the side, or hide them in the back of your mind because at the end of the day your problems are still there. My point for writing this is to show that no matter how hard you run from something it will always catch up to you. The good, the bad and the ugly. 

I take pride in everything I do, and I feel passionately about the things I write and say. “I believe that I was lucky to have suffered. Some people don’t realize that in suffering there is great potential, because if you are deprived for any reason.. politically, financially, socially or otherwise.. and if you set your mind in the right direction, you will find that the only way to survive is for you to excel, by being better so you can be treated better.”(1)

My first blog is to let you realize, there is no longer a him, and the wall has been torn down all that is left is me.  The words of people might hurt, but they will never keep me from striving for the best for myself so in turn I will be able to help my family.

This is my introduction to the world. My name is strong black woman, nice to meet you!

 

(1) Talal Abu-Ghazaleh