So, I decided to start writing again, yeh on my birthday. So before I start, Happy Birthday to ME!
It hit me, I hit it, but the blow I got was far more painful than I could ever give. I felt something wet running down the side of my mouth and onto my chin. I proceeded to wipe my mouth and when I did I was startled as to what I saw. Blood, “what the fuck I’m bleeding?” confused as to how I had gotten myself in this situation I tried to pull myself off the floor. Not wanting to look as weak as I felt on the inside. He fucking hit me, the wall was my savior and protector though it’s the very reason my head is pounding at this moment. A busted lip, a throbbing head, “bitch you gets no love.” I thought we were in love and that’s how it started, the evolution of me. When I realized there was never an us, and only a him.
This him that i’m talking about isn’t a specific person. It’s the teachers that told me “oh you talk too much, you’ll never make it in life”. It’s the people that have told me “you’re fat and ugly”. It’s all the people who have told me that i’m “overly dramatic” or a “drama queen”. To all the people that have called me “a quitter”, this him is everyone that has never had faith in me or has lost faith in me. To all the persons that have misled me, or tried to make a fool of me. Just like “him” you don’t care. Just like “him” you don’t matter.
The wall that has protected me is the one I have built to shield myself from hearing these thoughts and opinions from the non-believers. Never did I anticipate hitting this wall and getting hurt by it.
See the point I’m trying to make is, walls don’t help. Why should I hide the beautiful me I am? You can’t run from your problems, attempt to push them to the side, or hide them in the back of your mind because at the end of the day your problems are still there. My point for writing this is to show that no matter how hard you run from something it will always catch up to you. The good, the bad and the ugly.
I take pride in everything I do, and I feel passionately about the things I write and say. “I believe that I was lucky to have suffered. Some people don’t realize that in suffering there is great potential, because if you are deprived for any reason.. politically, financially, socially or otherwise.. and if you set your mind in the right direction, you will find that the only way to survive is for you to excel, by being better so you can be treated better.”(1)
My first blog is to let you realize, there is no longer a him, and the wall has been torn down all that is left is me. The words of people might hurt, but they will never keep me from striving for the best for myself so in turn I will be able to help my family.
This is my introduction to the world. My name is strong black woman, nice to meet you!
(1) Talal Abu-Ghazaleh
